I don't want to tell you stories
If there are no happy ends
But I'll walk this road beside you
I will learn to be a friend.
When the black cloud comes to rising
And the coal is getting low, so low
I will love you
I will love you I will yes I will
I will greet you in the morning
With a smile on my face
When that sun has done it's shining
We will find it's resting place
When the black cloud comes to rising
And the coal is getting low so low
I will love you
I will love you I will yes I will
When this road has made you weary
Too much sorrow, too much joy
I'll be the hope you can touch dear
I'll be the laughter you enjoy
So when the black cloud comes to rising
And the coal is getting low so low
I will love you
I will love you I will yes I will
When the tears have done their crying
And we have made our way back home
I will love you
I will love you I will yes I will
Monday, February 6, 2012
The circle of life
This past weekend my community in Iowa experienced the worst tradegy I can remember. Pastor Mick Murray & his wife Julie were killed in a car accident. There are some things in our lives that are part of going home. For me it was going to the Church of my high school days where I first felt like I was part of the Church congregation. In the last few years, when we go home, I look forward to going to Church. I have many memories of the Murray's as MYF leaders. They made it okay to give an honest answer & not just the "Sunday school" answer. He was the kind of pastor that made you want to go to Church. He made being a Christian seem cool! His wife was so sweet. She had the kindest smile.
I know that I'm not suffering like some others, but the loss has really hit me since I just always expected them to be there when I went home. It feels like ... A broken heart. As I sit here wallowing in my sorrow, their daughter almost half my age writes one of the most eloquent essays about the loss of both of her parents. It is like she has become the rock for the community to rebuild upon.
As I look at my three month old little baby, I choose to believe in hope. I choose not to ask why Lord, I choose to seek refuge in the Lord. To be angry at God over such loss would minimize their life in Christ. I rejoice through my tears. I pray to God that I can use their life as an example of how to raise my son, how to be part of the community, to love & accept all of God's children, to live by example. If I know Mick & Julie, they are up in Heaven right now & Mick has either just told a funny joke, or he is laughing at something funny St. Peter has said, & Julie is there kindly shaking her head & smiling that beautiful smile.
I don't know how to end this a better way than the same hymn that my cousin Angie posted, so I will...
My life flows on in endless song
Above Earths lamentation
I hear the sweet though far off hymn
That hails a new creation
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I'm clinging
Since love is lord of heaven & earth
How can I keep from singing
Through all the tumult & the strife
I hear the music ringing
It finds an echo in my soul
How can I keep from singing
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I'm clinging
Since love is lord of heaven & earth
How can I keep from singing
What though my joys & comforts die
I know my soul still liveth
What though the darkness gather round
Songs in the night he giveth.
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I'm clinging
Since love is lord of heaven & earth
How can I keep from singing.
I know that I'm not suffering like some others, but the loss has really hit me since I just always expected them to be there when I went home. It feels like ... A broken heart. As I sit here wallowing in my sorrow, their daughter almost half my age writes one of the most eloquent essays about the loss of both of her parents. It is like she has become the rock for the community to rebuild upon.
As I look at my three month old little baby, I choose to believe in hope. I choose not to ask why Lord, I choose to seek refuge in the Lord. To be angry at God over such loss would minimize their life in Christ. I rejoice through my tears. I pray to God that I can use their life as an example of how to raise my son, how to be part of the community, to love & accept all of God's children, to live by example. If I know Mick & Julie, they are up in Heaven right now & Mick has either just told a funny joke, or he is laughing at something funny St. Peter has said, & Julie is there kindly shaking her head & smiling that beautiful smile.
I don't know how to end this a better way than the same hymn that my cousin Angie posted, so I will...
My life flows on in endless song
Above Earths lamentation
I hear the sweet though far off hymn
That hails a new creation
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I'm clinging
Since love is lord of heaven & earth
How can I keep from singing
Through all the tumult & the strife
I hear the music ringing
It finds an echo in my soul
How can I keep from singing
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I'm clinging
Since love is lord of heaven & earth
How can I keep from singing
What though my joys & comforts die
I know my soul still liveth
What though the darkness gather round
Songs in the night he giveth.
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I'm clinging
Since love is lord of heaven & earth
How can I keep from singing.
Monday, January 23, 2012
The Birth Story
Warning: If you don't like birth stories, or hearing about groddy things, skip this posting. This is pretty much everything I can remember about the day our precious little Jackson was born. Enjoy!
Here is my birth story.
I think I had my first pre-contractions on Thursday, but didn't realize what they were. At about 1:30 Friday morning (nov 4th) I woke up to some pretty bad pain. It felt like really intense menstrual cramps, then it went away. I laid in bed for a bit. Then it came back.
For about four or five weeks before I went into labor, I had really bad "discomfort" in my women flower area. It felt like I had gotten into a fight with my special swimsuit area. I would wake up several times a night & be in such bad pain that I couldn't sleep. I would get up & take a really hot bath to try & relax. This also helped with the bad leg cramps I had.
So that morning I got up & started the bath. The contractions kept coming back, even when I was in the tub. Justin says that he woke up & realized that I was in the bath & since I had been doing this with some frequency, he didn't think anything of it. I tried walking around. But nothing worked. See they had told us to try these things to make sure we were having actual contractions. If it was a false labor doing these activities would make them go away. When they didn't go away & even got worse, I called the midwife on-call at the hospital. I described what was going on & she said that it certainly sounded like I was in labor & to wait until they were 5 minutes apart for 30 minutes, then to make our way into the hospital.
So I went back & laid down in bed next to my snoring husband. I was going to start timing the contractions, but my heavy breathing must have woken my husband. He asked his usual nightly startled questions "what happened? Is the baby okay?" I couldn't answer him since I was in the middle of the pain & out of bed he jumps all panicked. Once I could talk, I told him what was going on. We started timing the contractions & they were all over the place. They would go from 10 minutes to 7 to 11 to 8 minutes. They never got close together for 30 minutes. I slept off & on from 3:30 until about 6 or so. At 9 am we finally called the midwives to make an appointment to come in.
Finally at 1:30 we went into town to our appointment & I was in so much pain I could hardly stand. When we got into the exam room (very quickly) one of the midwives did the exam & I was in some of the worst pain of my life (other than the time I had a kidney infection). When she told me that I hadn't started dilating & that my cervix had not move up yet.
She suggested that I go to the hospital for a stress test on the baby & that I get a dose of morphine. I said that I would get some fluids & do the tests on the baby. So we got to the emergency room a little before 3. As soon as I told them that I was having contractions & we had been told to have a stress test, they got me admitted right away (they had been notified that we were on the way). We got into our room & hooked up to the machines.
After about 2 hours I was checked out by my midwife & she finally had good news, my cervix had moved & I had dilated 2 centimeters! I was officially in labor! By the way I was having bad contractions this whole time. I informed the nurses (for the third time) that I wanted the epidural!
When the epidural man finally came in, he reaked of cigarettes! Then he prepped me & had to wait for my next contraction to pass. Then he gave me the most intense pain yet! Holy crap do those hurt! But once the drugs take effect, life is good again. The next several hours, I had no pain & didn't even know when I was having a contraction!
At 4 Justin went out & got some food. I was finally able to get some good sleep. Things are a bit of a haze from when I got the "praise the Lord" drugs until I started active labor. When they finally told me to push I had no feeling in the lower half of my body. It was basically like telling me "hey, you can't feel it, but try to do this thing where you don't know what you're doing when we tell you to". I felt a lot of pressure, but had no idea if it was working. They also broke my water at some point, but I'm not sure when that was.
After a hour of my husband telling me we were almost there & to push harder, I politely informed him that he kept telling me we were almost there & the baby hadn't come out yet. He wasn't being very helpful.
At some point I was asked if wanted a mirror so could see what was going on down there & I immediately said NO!
During the active labor, Jackson's heart rate would dip down (which is normal), but wouldn't recover. They had me move around in hopes of getting him in a better position. If that didn't work,the midwife informed me that she was going to have the surgeon prepare the O.R. for a c section. I really didn't want that to happen, & that is when I started pushing even harder.
I had started screaming with each push until I had no more air. I was thinking this baby might never come out! Then one of the nurses went to stand behind Justin & even I noticed that he didn't look good. She got him. To sit down before he Would have passed out. Then a few minutes later I finally had the magic push & out came Jackson at 10:41 pm (only 20 hours after I felt my first contraction)! About that time is when Justin asked me about having another baby & I suggested we adopt the next one.
Before I gave birth, I thought brand-new babies were gross. they come out all covered in blood & goo! But once they lay your prize package on your chest, your preconceived notions run out the window. Now it isn't necessarily love at first sight. If you see your baby for the first time & think that he or she looks like an alien, it doesn't mean that you have already failed as a mother & that your baby will grow up to resent you. It just means that you are normal! In fact there will be many times in the next few weeks that you will (not might, but for sure will) have some unpleasant thoughts about your child. You will have momentary wishes that he had never been born, if there are more permanent ways to shut him up, & why in God's name won't this supposed bundle of joy let you get just a few hours of G.D. Sleep?! Don't worry it really isn't you, it is your hormones.
Justin had called his parents & they Came out to the hospital. I think Justin also informed my family at some point, but I don't really remember it.
Justin & his parents went home & I was moved to my post-partum room around midnight. When I first tried to stand up for the first time, I promptly sat back down. Once I was in the room, they made me try to go pee. After I wiped, it felt like there was something still stuck down there.I had assumed it was a witch hazel pad. When I felt around I realized that it was just from the swelling!
That night I didn't get much sleep. If they weren't coming in to check on me, they were bringing baby Jackson in for a feeding. When Justin came in the next morning, I was very happy to see him. He looks so handsome when he is holding or playing with our son! But then when Jackson first started crying, Justin got a panicked look & handed him back to me.
The staff was very good to me. In fact the head nurse that second day had a daughter who was also pregnant, in the same midwife centering class with me, & also had the same due date as me (Nov 10th - I delivered a week early).
That is pretty much what I remember. Now that we have our bundle of joy, & he is letting me get more sleep, & my hormones are in check, I would totally do it again! He really is the best thing we have ever done!
Here is my birth story.
I think I had my first pre-contractions on Thursday, but didn't realize what they were. At about 1:30 Friday morning (nov 4th) I woke up to some pretty bad pain. It felt like really intense menstrual cramps, then it went away. I laid in bed for a bit. Then it came back.
For about four or five weeks before I went into labor, I had really bad "discomfort" in my women flower area. It felt like I had gotten into a fight with my special swimsuit area. I would wake up several times a night & be in such bad pain that I couldn't sleep. I would get up & take a really hot bath to try & relax. This also helped with the bad leg cramps I had.
So that morning I got up & started the bath. The contractions kept coming back, even when I was in the tub. Justin says that he woke up & realized that I was in the bath & since I had been doing this with some frequency, he didn't think anything of it. I tried walking around. But nothing worked. See they had told us to try these things to make sure we were having actual contractions. If it was a false labor doing these activities would make them go away. When they didn't go away & even got worse, I called the midwife on-call at the hospital. I described what was going on & she said that it certainly sounded like I was in labor & to wait until they were 5 minutes apart for 30 minutes, then to make our way into the hospital.
So I went back & laid down in bed next to my snoring husband. I was going to start timing the contractions, but my heavy breathing must have woken my husband. He asked his usual nightly startled questions "what happened? Is the baby okay?" I couldn't answer him since I was in the middle of the pain & out of bed he jumps all panicked. Once I could talk, I told him what was going on. We started timing the contractions & they were all over the place. They would go from 10 minutes to 7 to 11 to 8 minutes. They never got close together for 30 minutes. I slept off & on from 3:30 until about 6 or so. At 9 am we finally called the midwives to make an appointment to come in.
Finally at 1:30 we went into town to our appointment & I was in so much pain I could hardly stand. When we got into the exam room (very quickly) one of the midwives did the exam & I was in some of the worst pain of my life (other than the time I had a kidney infection). When she told me that I hadn't started dilating & that my cervix had not move up yet.
She suggested that I go to the hospital for a stress test on the baby & that I get a dose of morphine. I said that I would get some fluids & do the tests on the baby. So we got to the emergency room a little before 3. As soon as I told them that I was having contractions & we had been told to have a stress test, they got me admitted right away (they had been notified that we were on the way). We got into our room & hooked up to the machines.
After about 2 hours I was checked out by my midwife & she finally had good news, my cervix had moved & I had dilated 2 centimeters! I was officially in labor! By the way I was having bad contractions this whole time. I informed the nurses (for the third time) that I wanted the epidural!
When the epidural man finally came in, he reaked of cigarettes! Then he prepped me & had to wait for my next contraction to pass. Then he gave me the most intense pain yet! Holy crap do those hurt! But once the drugs take effect, life is good again. The next several hours, I had no pain & didn't even know when I was having a contraction!
At 4 Justin went out & got some food. I was finally able to get some good sleep. Things are a bit of a haze from when I got the "praise the Lord" drugs until I started active labor. When they finally told me to push I had no feeling in the lower half of my body. It was basically like telling me "hey, you can't feel it, but try to do this thing where you don't know what you're doing when we tell you to". I felt a lot of pressure, but had no idea if it was working. They also broke my water at some point, but I'm not sure when that was.
After a hour of my husband telling me we were almost there & to push harder, I politely informed him that he kept telling me we were almost there & the baby hadn't come out yet. He wasn't being very helpful.
At some point I was asked if wanted a mirror so could see what was going on down there & I immediately said NO!
During the active labor, Jackson's heart rate would dip down (which is normal), but wouldn't recover. They had me move around in hopes of getting him in a better position. If that didn't work,the midwife informed me that she was going to have the surgeon prepare the O.R. for a c section. I really didn't want that to happen, & that is when I started pushing even harder.
I had started screaming with each push until I had no more air. I was thinking this baby might never come out! Then one of the nurses went to stand behind Justin & even I noticed that he didn't look good. She got him. To sit down before he Would have passed out. Then a few minutes later I finally had the magic push & out came Jackson at 10:41 pm (only 20 hours after I felt my first contraction)! About that time is when Justin asked me about having another baby & I suggested we adopt the next one.
Before I gave birth, I thought brand-new babies were gross. they come out all covered in blood & goo! But once they lay your prize package on your chest, your preconceived notions run out the window. Now it isn't necessarily love at first sight. If you see your baby for the first time & think that he or she looks like an alien, it doesn't mean that you have already failed as a mother & that your baby will grow up to resent you. It just means that you are normal! In fact there will be many times in the next few weeks that you will (not might, but for sure will) have some unpleasant thoughts about your child. You will have momentary wishes that he had never been born, if there are more permanent ways to shut him up, & why in God's name won't this supposed bundle of joy let you get just a few hours of G.D. Sleep?! Don't worry it really isn't you, it is your hormones.
Justin had called his parents & they Came out to the hospital. I think Justin also informed my family at some point, but I don't really remember it.
Justin & his parents went home & I was moved to my post-partum room around midnight. When I first tried to stand up for the first time, I promptly sat back down. Once I was in the room, they made me try to go pee. After I wiped, it felt like there was something still stuck down there.I had assumed it was a witch hazel pad. When I felt around I realized that it was just from the swelling!
That night I didn't get much sleep. If they weren't coming in to check on me, they were bringing baby Jackson in for a feeding. When Justin came in the next morning, I was very happy to see him. He looks so handsome when he is holding or playing with our son! But then when Jackson first started crying, Justin got a panicked look & handed him back to me.
The staff was very good to me. In fact the head nurse that second day had a daughter who was also pregnant, in the same midwife centering class with me, & also had the same due date as me (Nov 10th - I delivered a week early).
That is pretty much what I remember. Now that we have our bundle of joy, & he is letting me get more sleep, & my hormones are in check, I would totally do it again! He really is the best thing we have ever done!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
The End of Maternity Leave
Since today is technically the last day of my maternity leave, I thought it would be appropriate to reflect on what I have learned since November 4th.
Before Jackson was born, I had some preconceived ideas of what it would be like to have a child. I knew it would be a total change of lifestyle, I worried about finances, if I would be a good mother, if I would survive giving birth, and I worried about post-partum depression to name a few. We all know I made it through the delivery & it was easier & harder than I thought it would be.
Now that we have Jackson, there are sooooo many other more important things to worry about. Like does he know that I love him. The stairs have never seemed so terrifying! Will it permanently scar him if he cries for more than 30 seconds? Will he get bullied? Will other kids like him? Will be be respectful to others?
As I am tearfully preparing to go back to work, it presents even more fears. I asked my husband the other night if he thought Jackson would recognize me after 8 hours when I pick him up from day care. When I have to leave him, will he know how much I love him? I could possibly miss the first time he rolls over, his first word, the first step (or maybe it doesn't count if those things happen at daycare). Even thinking about it now makes me feel anxious!
I am not looking forward to going back to work. I have other fears about that. I hope I don't call myself mommy when talking to my boss! Or respond to a client when they ask where the bathroom is by asking them if they need to make a poo poo. Or talk to my co-workers in baby talk (a googoo gaga).
So for those of you who will be seeing me in the next few weeks, be patient with me. I am sure the rest of you working moms can relate (I hope). I am sure that life will only get better!
Before Jackson was born, I had some preconceived ideas of what it would be like to have a child. I knew it would be a total change of lifestyle, I worried about finances, if I would be a good mother, if I would survive giving birth, and I worried about post-partum depression to name a few. We all know I made it through the delivery & it was easier & harder than I thought it would be.
Now that we have Jackson, there are sooooo many other more important things to worry about. Like does he know that I love him. The stairs have never seemed so terrifying! Will it permanently scar him if he cries for more than 30 seconds? Will he get bullied? Will other kids like him? Will be be respectful to others?
As I am tearfully preparing to go back to work, it presents even more fears. I asked my husband the other night if he thought Jackson would recognize me after 8 hours when I pick him up from day care. When I have to leave him, will he know how much I love him? I could possibly miss the first time he rolls over, his first word, the first step (or maybe it doesn't count if those things happen at daycare). Even thinking about it now makes me feel anxious!
I am not looking forward to going back to work. I have other fears about that. I hope I don't call myself mommy when talking to my boss! Or respond to a client when they ask where the bathroom is by asking them if they need to make a poo poo. Or talk to my co-workers in baby talk (a googoo gaga).
So for those of you who will be seeing me in the next few weeks, be patient with me. I am sure the rest of you working moms can relate (I hope). I am sure that life will only get better!
Friday, January 20, 2012
Everything I need to know, I learned from a baby!
Oh how life changes! As I recall the first 11 weeks of Jackson's life, I think of all the ways our family has grown!
The first night was just awful! We decided that Jackson would sleep in our bedroom with me & Justin would sleep in the guest room (that way at least one of us would get some sleep & be alert the next day. Boy did that plan backfire on us! Anytime Jackson made a noise, I was up & at his little crib (you know, the one that my dollies used to sleep in). While Justin was in another room, our walls aren't thick enough to block out the sound of our infant. I think we could have been a few miles apart & we still could have heard Jackson! I didn't know what I was doing, Justin didn't know what to do, & Jackson didn't know where he was! What a group!
The first week we were afraid to put him down. He was so little! I remember the first time we changed his diaper (please don't pee on mommy!). The first time he did pee on Daddy! Oh that was funny! But Justin got the last laugh, because he might have gotten peed on, but I got pooped on! It didn't even occur to me to watch out for that! I had his legs lifted to take off his dirty diaper, when nature struck & it struck hard & quick! It was like I didn't know what was happening.
The first time we gave Jackson a bath, Justin was videoing it, but saw that I was having a challenging time. I had only seen the doll get a sponge bath by the professional! Jackson took it like a champ! But boy did he look confused the first time he was actually in the water & not on the frog holder upper thingie.
The first two weeks were very difficult! I remember how hard the feedings were. I worried that he wasn't getting enough to eat. What if I don't produce enough & have to buy formula. Not that there is anything wrong with formula, in fact we sometimes supplement his eating with a bottle. We just didn't want the extra expense. And don't even get me started on the nipple issues! Justin could tell when Jackson got a latch, as I would gasp in pain! It even hurt to wear a bra! Nipple pain is no joke! Burping him was difficult for me at first. I would pat his back for several minutes & nothing, but the second I laid him down, instant crying! As I would pick him up, out comes a burp! I now have a system that works better. After feeding him, I burp him for a bit. If nothing comes out, I lay him in his crib & wait outside the door for a minute or so. If he needs to burp, he will start fussing & I will go back in to pat him.
Night time feedings were really tough. There were nights I would have to calm myself down before I went in his nursery. Dude, just eat a full meal & learn to sleep though the night! In would even try to make deals with God! Dear Lord, if you let me get a few consecutive hours of sleep, I promise to watch my road rage, I will watch my bad words everyday, not just Sundays, just please let me get a bit more sleep! Of course God has his own ways of doing things!
The first several weeks Jackson would fall asleep while feeding. At first I assumed that meant he was finished. But then he would be awake & hungry an hour later. Then I tried different things like blowing on his face, opening his outfit & blowing in his tummy, we tried putting a wet wash cloth on his face. I red blogs about what to do. What the other mothers said is pretty much what happened to us. As soon as we finally found a system that worked (more or less) is when he out grew that part & started eating more. I found the trick was to change his diaper in-between switching breasts. Now I just have to change his diaper at the beginning of the feeding & he will feed through both sides.
I used to dread the nighttime feedings. I have always needed my sleep. In college an all nighter was never an option for me. In the military I traded duties so I wouldn't have to post guard duty in the middle of the night. Now I actually jump out of bed to go feed him & that is only partly due to the leaky boobs that have soaked the front of my shirt! It is now another few minutes I get to spend with my precious baby.
That is another thing people don't warn pregnant women about: the leaky boobs! I member the first time I could squeeze milk out. I told Justin to come here & see this! When he got there, I accidentally squirted a spray right on his face! When the milk gets so full, it can be quite painful. Men, when your wife says "don't touch my boobs" trust me & do as they say! Justin has learned his lesson! After you have a baby, they aren't sexual objects, they are your child's lunch box.
Also if you are one of the "lucky" few to actually feel your milk come in, be prepared for pins & needles sensation in your breasts! I pray that you won't get an infection like I did. I didn't known you could get a yeast infection in that part of you body. Talk about discomfort!
I won't even get into the recovery of the lady flower part of your body! Thank goodness for the wonderful hospital nurses who sent home lots of the witch hazel pads, & those wonderful ice pack pads! I would have paid serious money for those! And that is all I want to say about that.
The last thing I will discuss is getting back into shape. While I feel very lucky to have already lost my pregnancy weight, I was overweight to begin with. I have a lot of Christmas cookie, & cheese weight to lose from before.
The first time I tried to work out (I use that term lightly) I went for a walk around an indoor track & considered it successful that I completed 3/7th of a mile. I started to feel light headed, so I stopped. I am now walking 30 minutes a day (+ other activities around the house). I thought I was doing pretty good until my cousin who gave birth to twins a day after Jackson was born, posted that she had gone running for an hour! That just makes me want to eat another cookie!
As I am typing this, I can feel my milk coming in for the next feeding, so it is time to call it a night! Until next time...
The first night was just awful! We decided that Jackson would sleep in our bedroom with me & Justin would sleep in the guest room (that way at least one of us would get some sleep & be alert the next day. Boy did that plan backfire on us! Anytime Jackson made a noise, I was up & at his little crib (you know, the one that my dollies used to sleep in). While Justin was in another room, our walls aren't thick enough to block out the sound of our infant. I think we could have been a few miles apart & we still could have heard Jackson! I didn't know what I was doing, Justin didn't know what to do, & Jackson didn't know where he was! What a group!
The first week we were afraid to put him down. He was so little! I remember the first time we changed his diaper (please don't pee on mommy!). The first time he did pee on Daddy! Oh that was funny! But Justin got the last laugh, because he might have gotten peed on, but I got pooped on! It didn't even occur to me to watch out for that! I had his legs lifted to take off his dirty diaper, when nature struck & it struck hard & quick! It was like I didn't know what was happening.
The first time we gave Jackson a bath, Justin was videoing it, but saw that I was having a challenging time. I had only seen the doll get a sponge bath by the professional! Jackson took it like a champ! But boy did he look confused the first time he was actually in the water & not on the frog holder upper thingie.
The first two weeks were very difficult! I remember how hard the feedings were. I worried that he wasn't getting enough to eat. What if I don't produce enough & have to buy formula. Not that there is anything wrong with formula, in fact we sometimes supplement his eating with a bottle. We just didn't want the extra expense. And don't even get me started on the nipple issues! Justin could tell when Jackson got a latch, as I would gasp in pain! It even hurt to wear a bra! Nipple pain is no joke! Burping him was difficult for me at first. I would pat his back for several minutes & nothing, but the second I laid him down, instant crying! As I would pick him up, out comes a burp! I now have a system that works better. After feeding him, I burp him for a bit. If nothing comes out, I lay him in his crib & wait outside the door for a minute or so. If he needs to burp, he will start fussing & I will go back in to pat him.
Night time feedings were really tough. There were nights I would have to calm myself down before I went in his nursery. Dude, just eat a full meal & learn to sleep though the night! In would even try to make deals with God! Dear Lord, if you let me get a few consecutive hours of sleep, I promise to watch my road rage, I will watch my bad words everyday, not just Sundays, just please let me get a bit more sleep! Of course God has his own ways of doing things!
The first several weeks Jackson would fall asleep while feeding. At first I assumed that meant he was finished. But then he would be awake & hungry an hour later. Then I tried different things like blowing on his face, opening his outfit & blowing in his tummy, we tried putting a wet wash cloth on his face. I red blogs about what to do. What the other mothers said is pretty much what happened to us. As soon as we finally found a system that worked (more or less) is when he out grew that part & started eating more. I found the trick was to change his diaper in-between switching breasts. Now I just have to change his diaper at the beginning of the feeding & he will feed through both sides.
I used to dread the nighttime feedings. I have always needed my sleep. In college an all nighter was never an option for me. In the military I traded duties so I wouldn't have to post guard duty in the middle of the night. Now I actually jump out of bed to go feed him & that is only partly due to the leaky boobs that have soaked the front of my shirt! It is now another few minutes I get to spend with my precious baby.
That is another thing people don't warn pregnant women about: the leaky boobs! I member the first time I could squeeze milk out. I told Justin to come here & see this! When he got there, I accidentally squirted a spray right on his face! When the milk gets so full, it can be quite painful. Men, when your wife says "don't touch my boobs" trust me & do as they say! Justin has learned his lesson! After you have a baby, they aren't sexual objects, they are your child's lunch box.
Also if you are one of the "lucky" few to actually feel your milk come in, be prepared for pins & needles sensation in your breasts! I pray that you won't get an infection like I did. I didn't known you could get a yeast infection in that part of you body. Talk about discomfort!
I won't even get into the recovery of the lady flower part of your body! Thank goodness for the wonderful hospital nurses who sent home lots of the witch hazel pads, & those wonderful ice pack pads! I would have paid serious money for those! And that is all I want to say about that.
The last thing I will discuss is getting back into shape. While I feel very lucky to have already lost my pregnancy weight, I was overweight to begin with. I have a lot of Christmas cookie, & cheese weight to lose from before.
The first time I tried to work out (I use that term lightly) I went for a walk around an indoor track & considered it successful that I completed 3/7th of a mile. I started to feel light headed, so I stopped. I am now walking 30 minutes a day (+ other activities around the house). I thought I was doing pretty good until my cousin who gave birth to twins a day after Jackson was born, posted that she had gone running for an hour! That just makes me want to eat another cookie!
As I am typing this, I can feel my milk coming in for the next feeding, so it is time to call it a night! Until next time...
Monday, January 16, 2012
Trickery in the Hospital!
I felt it appropriate to start a new blog since confessions of a non-mommy doesn't really apply. My life has completely changed since the last post of non-mommy. I hope you all enjoy the new blog!
To say life has changed since having our son 10 weeks ago would be an understatement! I have learned so much! I know what a diaper genie is, how many poops a child is supposed to have (we are up to 5+ a day not including pee only), what being in the 25th to 50th percentile means, & what it feels like when milk "let's down" (pins & needles come to mind)!
The weeks right after Jackson was born are a hazy blur. I remember the terrifying ride home from the hospital when I was sure we were going 80 mph in a 25 zone (we were actually going 27 mph). I vaguely remember my mother-in-law coming over. I do remember the feeling of Holy Crap what were we thinking?! Having tears run down my face because even though I kept feeding him, he wouldn't stop crying. Later realized that when you feed a small person, they like to be burped! Being constantly tired, but not able to sleep (eyes close, hear what I think is the baby, but really the inhale of my husbands snore, doesn't matter, the damage is done). Finally having an appetite after 6 months of finding most food disgusting. Suddenly craving sweets like the world will actually end if I don't save it by eating some cookies! Wondering what type of insane person would actually have more than one of these things?!
I found out the hospital is a building full of trickery! You go in to the ER & tell them you a in labor & immediately have almost the entire staff at your assistance. After you get carted to the maternity floor, the nurses come in & give you knowing looks & after 9 months you finally feel like somebody understands what I am going through. I tell them immediately I want the drugs! They laugh politely as if I have just made some type of ice breaker joke. I repeat, how soon can I get an epidural? I am told that there it this magical degree of labor that I need to reach before I can get one. One of them asks, can I get you anything to drink & you really want to say, a shot of whiskey would be GREAT, but you say water. Not only do they get it to you right away, but as soon as it is almost empty, you get a refill!
As the labor progresses, it is like you have a staff of helpers. People to help you go to the bathroom, someone to get you drinks, someone asking you how you are doing every 30 minutes. Even the husband is trying to help. After what seems like a lifetime, the contractions have gotten so bad, I feel I could pass out. Finally the epidural is available! It is the most pain I have ever felt (with the exception of my kidney infection)! But so Glorious once it kicks in! Finally I get some relief! I can't believe that there are women that go through this without drugs! They are either completely Crazy, or the strongest women EVER! It is one thing to have labor without drugs because it is not an option, but a completely impressive when it is a safe option, but not taken!
I will skip the rest of that story, since all of you will fit into one of three categories: you had such a hard pregnancy & labor that my story makes me seem like a pansy, or you had a much easier labor than me & don't see how I can compare, or haven't had labor yet & wouldn't believe how such a blessing can come out of the GROSSEST process known to man (rather woman). Moving on...
So once Jackson was born, bathed, given the APGAR test (don't ask me what his score was since I was still on drugs, & completely worn out), I was moved to the postpartum room for the night (around midnight). Justin went home for the night (we had both been up for almost 24 hours). I knew he would get better sleep at home & I wouldn't get much sleep anyways. The kind nurses took Jackson to the nursery for the night. They only brought him in for feedings, assisted me if needed, then took him back when we were finished.
The next morning they would come in to check on me, bring me breakfast in bed, refill my drinks when needed (I could just hit the button & someone would come in the room!). I could ring that bell if I just wanted to see my son, they would bring him in. then take him back if I wanted to get some rest. It was Wonderful!
Then it was time for our family to leave the hospital. That's when we really found out what we were in for. When new parents leave the hospital it is the biggest dose of reality shock ever experienced! It felt like we were taking something we shouldn't have. Like we were stealing the crowned jewels. I felt like there should have been an exam we are required to pass in order to have permission to leave with our son. It was such a weird feeling!
Once we got home, reality really sank in & so did the hormones! I kept searching to the call button. Where were the helpers to bring me drinks, to take the baby so I could rest. It was like we were on our own! SCARY!! Thank God for my in-laws who came over to visit. It really helped lighten the mood & helped me relax. The first two weeks are still a hazy, bad & very long dream. I was told that my job once our son is brought home is just to keep him alive. Don't worry about cleaning the house, doing laundry, or washing the dishes. Just do what you have to do to get through it.
My husband was home with me the first week & I don't know what I would have done without him! Just having him around made me feel like I wasn't in it alone. The last 10 weeks have been the toughest & most amazing weeks of my life. I truly understand what a blessed life I have! Wonderful husband who is also a great father & perfect teammate! The feelings I have for my son are stronger than the word "love" can describe! Life is truly amazing! Okay enough of the sappy stuff. Until next time...
To say life has changed since having our son 10 weeks ago would be an understatement! I have learned so much! I know what a diaper genie is, how many poops a child is supposed to have (we are up to 5+ a day not including pee only), what being in the 25th to 50th percentile means, & what it feels like when milk "let's down" (pins & needles come to mind)!
The weeks right after Jackson was born are a hazy blur. I remember the terrifying ride home from the hospital when I was sure we were going 80 mph in a 25 zone (we were actually going 27 mph). I vaguely remember my mother-in-law coming over. I do remember the feeling of Holy Crap what were we thinking?! Having tears run down my face because even though I kept feeding him, he wouldn't stop crying. Later realized that when you feed a small person, they like to be burped! Being constantly tired, but not able to sleep (eyes close, hear what I think is the baby, but really the inhale of my husbands snore, doesn't matter, the damage is done). Finally having an appetite after 6 months of finding most food disgusting. Suddenly craving sweets like the world will actually end if I don't save it by eating some cookies! Wondering what type of insane person would actually have more than one of these things?!
I found out the hospital is a building full of trickery! You go in to the ER & tell them you a in labor & immediately have almost the entire staff at your assistance. After you get carted to the maternity floor, the nurses come in & give you knowing looks & after 9 months you finally feel like somebody understands what I am going through. I tell them immediately I want the drugs! They laugh politely as if I have just made some type of ice breaker joke. I repeat, how soon can I get an epidural? I am told that there it this magical degree of labor that I need to reach before I can get one. One of them asks, can I get you anything to drink & you really want to say, a shot of whiskey would be GREAT, but you say water. Not only do they get it to you right away, but as soon as it is almost empty, you get a refill!
As the labor progresses, it is like you have a staff of helpers. People to help you go to the bathroom, someone to get you drinks, someone asking you how you are doing every 30 minutes. Even the husband is trying to help. After what seems like a lifetime, the contractions have gotten so bad, I feel I could pass out. Finally the epidural is available! It is the most pain I have ever felt (with the exception of my kidney infection)! But so Glorious once it kicks in! Finally I get some relief! I can't believe that there are women that go through this without drugs! They are either completely Crazy, or the strongest women EVER! It is one thing to have labor without drugs because it is not an option, but a completely impressive when it is a safe option, but not taken!
I will skip the rest of that story, since all of you will fit into one of three categories: you had such a hard pregnancy & labor that my story makes me seem like a pansy, or you had a much easier labor than me & don't see how I can compare, or haven't had labor yet & wouldn't believe how such a blessing can come out of the GROSSEST process known to man (rather woman). Moving on...
So once Jackson was born, bathed, given the APGAR test (don't ask me what his score was since I was still on drugs, & completely worn out), I was moved to the postpartum room for the night (around midnight). Justin went home for the night (we had both been up for almost 24 hours). I knew he would get better sleep at home & I wouldn't get much sleep anyways. The kind nurses took Jackson to the nursery for the night. They only brought him in for feedings, assisted me if needed, then took him back when we were finished.
The next morning they would come in to check on me, bring me breakfast in bed, refill my drinks when needed (I could just hit the button & someone would come in the room!). I could ring that bell if I just wanted to see my son, they would bring him in. then take him back if I wanted to get some rest. It was Wonderful!
Then it was time for our family to leave the hospital. That's when we really found out what we were in for. When new parents leave the hospital it is the biggest dose of reality shock ever experienced! It felt like we were taking something we shouldn't have. Like we were stealing the crowned jewels. I felt like there should have been an exam we are required to pass in order to have permission to leave with our son. It was such a weird feeling!
Once we got home, reality really sank in & so did the hormones! I kept searching to the call button. Where were the helpers to bring me drinks, to take the baby so I could rest. It was like we were on our own! SCARY!! Thank God for my in-laws who came over to visit. It really helped lighten the mood & helped me relax. The first two weeks are still a hazy, bad & very long dream. I was told that my job once our son is brought home is just to keep him alive. Don't worry about cleaning the house, doing laundry, or washing the dishes. Just do what you have to do to get through it.
My husband was home with me the first week & I don't know what I would have done without him! Just having him around made me feel like I wasn't in it alone. The last 10 weeks have been the toughest & most amazing weeks of my life. I truly understand what a blessed life I have! Wonderful husband who is also a great father & perfect teammate! The feelings I have for my son are stronger than the word "love" can describe! Life is truly amazing! Okay enough of the sappy stuff. Until next time...
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